Note to self: Stop Doing Anything

2006-01-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

Planet Earth Hits Puberty.
I realized that the world is not coming to an end this New Year's. And though I am sort dissapointed in a I wanted to see it happen sort of way, I am ok. I will stave off my selfcentered infatuations and look at this New Year as another step in earth's glroious life time. Unfortunately I can only imagine that we have entered puberty as a planet. Self-destructive, sexually-frustrated, confused , pimply, isolated, pissed-off-at-your-parents puberty. So the next few millenia might be a bit rough. Have some patience with our dear planet, she is just working through rough times. And I am sure with the proper diet and medication she can get rid of this breakout called the human race and move on with a healthy happy life. I know I would. With this in mind, wanna make out?

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-12-19T13:03:00.000-08:00

Santa sits on my lap, "Your Techno is in my Shopping", Cat Fight at Karaoke.

Friday, my friend Rcih invited me to attend the Stranger Yule log bash. What was good? Well, 2 fre shots of tequila is good. 2 free miller high life's is good. Some tasty Marcapone Cheese from Paragon Grill was good. I ran into my friend from the Blakes, who are by the way and amazing band. We stumbled over to the picture section and started fondeling santa. The evidence: http://www.thestranger.com/events/index.php?eventid=24&i=11.
To be PC we also got our picture taken witha Moyle. We stumboled form there to Bush Garden where a rather drunk group of ladies and freidn kicked out some sultry karaoke. i did my part with Lulu. If you haven't been there, Bush Gardens is one of the funnest places to do karaoke in Seattle.

We closed down Bush Gardens, a friend removed a 3 minute parking sign from its rightful place and we were chased away from the front of the business by the bartender. We cabbed to QFC where I picked up the ingredeients to Nachos to the ear-bleedingly loud techno of the mexica restaurant upstairs. We danced throught he isles. as I collected to savory delight that would end our nights. The we went to my place where we gather stangth to about 6 or 7 people and gorged ourselves.

Sunday I hosted karaoke at the Bus Stop for the first time. It was harder than I thoguht and drunk people are annoying. Especially when you are not getting drunk with them and you have to get shit done. Eventually at the end of the night Shaw, the very queeny man, told a story about a girl leaving here tissue on the seat after using it. The girl took offense and got up in his face on the stage, eventually presenting her ass and pushing it at him. I should have stoppped it, but it was the most immature thing I had seen in a while and it made me laugh. So I let it go. They eventually tired each other out. And I eventually became less retarded on the Karaoke selector. And now I am at work 60 dollars richer. meaning I can buy my nephew a better gift.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-12-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

Hey all. I just realized the connection between Thrasher, an eighties skater movie starring this guys and that girl and the red hot chili peppers, and the dukes of hazard. I just heard the line"I just hope the mountain doesn't get them. " And in the dukes of hazard song there is that one line "Some day the mountain might get, but the law never will" I realized it now people. Our problem isn't terrorists or communism or Walmart. It is the mountian they have slowly killing us all along. Wooing us with their splendor and beauty. Snow-capped peaks and beautiful streams. While all along they were biding there time lulling us with a false sense of security. Iron Maiden wrote a song called "Run to the Hills". But I think I will write a new song called" Stay the fuck away from the hills. They won't protect us. They are tyring to fucking kill us. To the midwest and the flatlands!!!!!!

Heart
jeffrey

2005-11-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

You're on Your Own Daniel San, Girls on Strike, Dept of Energy

OK. Confession time. One of the three stories in my last blog was a lie. Or just a bored me trying to fill out the blog. Try to guess which one. I think you will be pleasantly suprised.

RIP, Pat Morita
LOS ANGELES — Actor Pat Morita, whose portrayal of the wise and dry-witted Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" earned him an Oscar nomination, has died. He was 73.Morita died Thursday at his home in Las Vegas of natural causes, said his wife of 12 years, Evelyn. She said in a statement that her husband, who first rose to fame with a role on "Happy Days," had "dedicated his entire life to acting and comedy."In 1984, he appeared in the role that would define his career and spawn countless affectionate imitations. As Kesuke Miyagi, the mentor to Ralph Macchio's "Daniel-san," he taught karate while trying to catch flies with chopsticks and offering such advice as "wax on, wax off" to guide Daniel through chores to improve his skills.Morita said in a 1986 interview with The Associated Press he was billed as Noriyuki "Pat" Morita in the film because producer Jerry Weintraub wanted him to sound more ethnic. He said he used the billing because it was "the only name my parents gave me."He lost the 1984 best supporting actor award to Haing S. Ngor, who appeared in "The Killing Fields."For years, Morita played small and sometimes demeaning roles in such films as "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and TV series such as "The Odd Couple" and "Green Acres." His first breakthrough came with "Happy Days," and he followed with his own brief series, "Mr. T and Tina.""The Karate Kid," led to three sequels, the last of which, 1994's "The Next Karate Kid," paired him with a young Hilary Swank.Morita was prolific outside of the "Karate Kid" series as well, appearing in "Honeymoon in Vegas," "Spy Hard," "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" and "The Center of the World." He also provided the voice for a character in the Disney movie "Mulan" in 1998. Born in northern California on June 28, 1932, the son of migrant fruit pickers, Morita spent most of his early years in the hospital with spinal tuberculosis. He later recovered only to be sent to a Japanese-American internment camp in Arizona during World War II."One day I was an invalid," he recalled in a 1989 AP interview. "The next day I was public enemy No. 1 being escorted to an internment camp by an FBI agent wearing a piece."After the war, Morita's family tried to repair their finances by operating a Sacramento restaurant. It was there that Morita first tried his comedy on patrons.Because prospects for a Japanese-American standup comic seemed poor, Morita found steady work in computers at Aerojet General. But at age 30 he entered show business full time."Only in America could you get away with the kind of comedy I did," he commented. "If I tried it in Japan before the war, it would have been considered blasphemy, and I would have ended in leg irons. "Morita was to be buried at Palm Green Valley Mortuary and Cemetery.He is survived by his wife and three daughters from a previous marriage.

for some the Karate Kid movies were some sort of marker during there life. But they didn't even put out a good correspnding video game. And Pat Morita was really the only redeeming factor of that whole Cobra Kai laden mess. plus he was placed in an internment camp. Thus proving that no matter how much america fucks your life up, you can still be an actor.

Girls on Strike
I just started a new band with my friend Karla we are called Girls on Strike. It is a lovely opportunity for me to sing with a lovely voice and we both get to play accordina. So life is good. instrument will range from accordian to bells to Rhodes to accoustic guiar. And whatever else I can help weve into it. Karal is a talented woman who bosts a charming songwriting style and a great ear for harmony. We should be ready soon to play out. Once we finish some more songs. I imagine love, pathos and insomnia will work there way into themes of this project as well. you can soon here what we sound like at http://www.myspace.com/girlsonstrike

Dept of Energy
Rob Benson of Dear John Letters has started a new amazing band called Department of Energy. Based aroudn bensons stellar vocals and a full size hammand church organ, this band wil fucking amaze you. They are super tight and the sound of a hammond through an old fasshioned leslie speaker is not to be missed. http://www.dept-of-energy.com .

2005-11-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

"Hey look, I'm 30! kill me.", killer bibliotecque, I hate Christian right, but why are they so damn hot?

Well. I promised myself that turning 30 would bring a new decade of calm cool collected hapiness. Instead it has brought me poverty, the crabs and a major feeling that I am going to be envloped in a 50 foot wall of boiling mud. And I was ok with that in college. We all joked about striking a punk rock pose only to be petrified for all eternity. But now I have other death ambitions. To die quitly in my sleep under the soft feathery rain of a vixen pillow fight. Is that so wrong? No. So if you would like to apply to participate in my warm fuzzy death please submit an application with a picture of yourself in a teddy. The even will be televised and webcast. PS Laurence I already know what you look like in a Teddy, so just submit the application.

I fell asleep at work today while gazing offinto the window of the downtown Seattle library. And had a vivid dream of it being the ugliest transformer ever to grace the earth. But when it transformed it became a Nascar dad and floded the city with cans of Miller Genuine draft. I really need to stop eating spicy food before I sleep.

While singing Karaoke at the bus stop one night my eyes glanced up the most Bellevue raised uptight Christian Republican I have seen in a whiel. And I tried to apply my blatent generalizations and stereotypes to her, but none would come. She filled out her Kahkis and starched white t-shirt nicely. I pointed her out to my friend Byron and he said. "Oh yeh. She is hot. She is working that whole Barbara Bush thing." And he went on to explain how attractive women who look this uptight can be. And well. I was in diagreement until now. This girl changed my mind. God Bless America.

2005-11-08T16:37:00.000-08:00

My internet Fiance - Act II,
The Crooners,
How French am I?

Sent Jeffrey 1 week ago after a short email conversation:

Hi my friend Jeff.
I am very pleased, that you have written to me back.
I would like to correspond with you.
And now it - it is a little concerning me,
My name -Tatyana, I live in a small settlement, which address to as Kukmor.
To me 27 years.
My settlement is in 850 km from cities of Moscow.
I 168 sm of growth and my weight of 52 kg.
I have finished school and then studied at university. I studied philosophy
of the various countries and English language for this reason I and I can speak
English.
I work in hospital as the children's doctor. I very much like the job. Because I
like children.
That is possible to inform concerning mine hobby, I very much like cinema!
I think, that I can remain in cinema all day, (I joke certainly).
Well it is simple to me, the interesting cinema is pleasant to look.
I prefer to listen to music on mood. I can listen in the evening to classical music,
and morning I can include radio and jump, while I prepare to breakfast.
I have no any harmful habits, I do not smoke.
It is possible, that I can drink easy alcoholic spirits drinks, but it happens
only during holidays and in the company of my girlfriends.
I was never married, and I have no any children.
I do not know, why but I could not find the pleasant man for dialogue of an
opposite floor, I was possible, has not met the man necessary for me.
For this reason I also have decided to address in this agency.
I hope, that with the help of the correspondence I find second half.
If you have any questions, which ask me, I with pleasure shall answer it!
I shall wait your letter.
Tatyana.
P.S. If you have any photos, send them please.

Tatyana,

Well I feel that now I know more than enough for a long, fruitful relationship. And I see you withdrew the money from my account. In fact, I was meaning to talk with you about that. I know couples have to work through issues with money and all, so I need to ask some questions in the most non-accusatory fashiion possible. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY? I understand prices are high on tickets right now, but does it really cost 4000 dollars to fly hear? That was my entire savings. Sorry to sound a little angry, but I have rent to pay, lady. Is this anyway to treat the one you will split your life with? I think not. Well I can forgive if you would send ame a plane ticket to Russia I will come on over and we can work this out in person. Until then please ask me for money and I will gladly give it to you.

Secondly, How the fuck are you a children's doctor if you studied pohilosophy in college. What kind of fucked up test do you have to ake to get from philosophy to be a certified doctor? I am just wondering. I am glad to hear you were never married and do not havre children. I have never been married or lived in Russia and I ahave never been a doctor. I have also never been rich, good looking or interested in beanie babies. I do not like brussel sprouts, my heart is tiny and black and I do not have any piercing that you can see. so let's get together. I await a plain ticket in the mail.

You lover to be,
Jeffrey

Sunday at the Bus Stop was some of the most amazing Karaoke I have ever seen. Fucking A! There were the wonderful older gentlemen crooners who made me loose my voice screaming. New York, New York and anothe Sinatra tune. I sang my favorite Karaoke song ever. Lulu's To Sir With Love. It made me happy. I hung out with Grant Cogswell and some really nice and cute friends of his. Gigi bought me a belated birthday drink. I saw Kitty again and hit on her a lot less this time. There were at least 4 women who sang and blew me away with there voices including a stellar version of Slim shady. And a mighty fine morrissey. Ian and Ade provided two completely choreographed songs. It was a most magical ending to my birthday weekend.

Monday after practing with my new accordian band project I was wondering around Capitol Hill with an accoridan on my back, a baggette and a small chunk of bousian. what the fuck, It don't get more french than that. It was also like 33 degrees and I froze my herricot verde off. So I drove home and made my self an italian meal as quick as possible. I was then warm and then I slept. But I could not help think about the race riots and soci economic upheavel in France. I heard that there have been 1200 cars burnt so far. WTF? Paris-Watts.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-11-07T01:36:00.000-08:00

30, dancing, and more scorpios...

First and foremost, i turned 30 and the party was so fun. i was introduced to yeager Bombs by coworkers, I had a very successful burrito buffet thanks to the efforts of my friends, and soon there will be pictoral evidence of what happened. Every momment was enjoyable. I danced for hours this weekend and I can't fucking stop. Thanks to all of the delicious people who made it out. I love you all to death. One can only measure their life at 30 by the set of friends that one is surrounded by. Friday I looked around and I was overwhelmed by the quality of company I keep. And I knew there were more who could not make it. Enough of the sap, The dancing at the bus stop was a blast, and Saturday i got to do some more at the last egg room party. And besides the overdrinking and hangovers, I had a great time.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-11-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hello my name is Tatyana, Will you marry me?

Recieved by Jeffrey November 1st via myspace:

hi,

Hi my new friend!!! My name is Tatyana. I from Russia. I the young, romantic woman. I very strongly want to find the man which me Will like very strongly and I shall like it too Also I want to divide the life with the liked man I want to get acquainted with clever and kind the man to connect our destinies. I hope to find the real, pure love. I have found your profile, and want to find out more about you! Write to me if you have interest. I hope to have pleasant acquaintance.

Mine E-Mail: mailto:don (I left this out for spam privacy )
I shall send my photos.
I wait for your answer. Tatyana.

Dear Tatyana,

I see that you and I share a blatent disregard for those stupid english grammatical rules. And I have been in the market for an overseas relationship. Please send me you photos and a list of your last 4 successful mail order relationships. One can not be too careful when marrying someone they have never met. And if the mood is right and your credit check comes through ok, then I will gladly my life split with you. And maybe then I can feel some of that "real, pure love" that you talk of. I am sure we will have pleasant acquiantance. In fact, I am sold the more each time I re-read your letter. Attached to this email is my bank account information. Please transfer whatever you need to buy a plain ticket form my account to your account and high-tail it out here. I have this friend Laurence who can marry us any time of the day. Then and only then can we enjoy wedded bliss in broken-grammar extasy.

I wait with baited breath.
Your Fiance,
with pure real love,
Jeffrey

2005-10-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

Costumes, Booty Shaking, Kicking the Shit out of a 15-foot Robot Puppet.

Friday 10.28.05 I went to my firend Monica's housewarming. It was a nice new place that just happens to be within a block of the Seattle Center. Saw some old friends and enjoyed fanning some old crushes. then quickly on to the Mars Bar where I sawa band called The Inversions. Escellent Psychodellic Rock Trio. One of which was about 50 years old. That is the way it probably should be. Then my friedn's bandthe Mu played there last show. Before which Maki and I honed our Gaydar. It seemed obvious to me, bu it took some convincing befor eI brought Maki over to the dark side. I would not be asking these ladies out.

Saturday 10.29.05 After some depressing news, and a day work of graphic design, I started searching for my Hagrid Costume. Only to find that the beard was non c-communicado. I got frustrated and travelled to the Bus Stop to have a drink and contemplate my costumeless situation. Just show up, or make a last minute costume at home. I chose the latter of the two. I have a crappy suit jacket, a boring red tie and a even mor edisheveling white color shirt. Together with a cute 50's era hat, I grabbed a 1960's suitcase I had laying around and an old fashioned umbrella and travelled out the door an instant Willie Loman. It turned out to be the perfect outfit for a man intent on dancing. Hagrid tended to cook my brain under the wigs and all. Then off to Zero Zero for a dance party. noteable constumes: Ade as Catwoman, Kate and the Karate Kid, Shannon as Superstar!, Toby as Batwoman, Team Zizu, about 20 prom queens and princesses, Yet another apeparance by a Oasis brother played by Drew, another Bullet Tooth Tony. Pat and I danced like foolish boys and ,after uncertain deliberation, it was declared to be a fun night.

Sunday 10.30.05 A gtreat day of sulking, playing accordian with Karla. Refining songs, and a renewed hunt for a beard. This took me from Red Light on Broadway to Value Village on broadway to Goodwill in Ballard and eventually to the infamous costuem shop in Northgate. Beard in hadn I finally changed my clocks back, watched the Simpsons and mosey on up[ the the ZAPP Halloween Hoohah. Lots of great costumes were dawned. Adam as dinosaur, Zoe as a 1920 football player, Graham as a Lucha Libra "El Flambe", A man hiding in a Bush, a cigarette, a gaggle of sexy gothic outfits, a Slitherin to counter my Hagrid, and many more. Then the gian robot vs. dinsaur fight. Each 15' in size and operated by 6-7 people. It was a ferocious battle in which I wstarted out just watching, but eventually jumped into the fray and started beating cardboard as well. The crowd says the Dinosaur won. Well tell that to the Dinosaur head that I smashed with Adam one the ground. In my book, robot won. It was an early night and I walked slowly home drenched by the rain. And the droplets shattered the reflecting pool, and everything was still and dirupted at once. I rather enjoyed my time alone and soggy on my walk home.

But now back to work.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-10-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

My Funny Valentine, Smashy Smashy and Technique

I can honestly say that, like the main characters of Garden State, I did something completely unique last night. During my stellar version of My Funny Valentine, during whihc I was less than sober, I got a little dramatic. And as I reached the climax of the song, during the line "Stay little Valentine Sta-----Y." I had my arms fully outstretched for effect. It turned otu I was very close to the entry way and as the door shut, it smached my fingers (smash smashy) "Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!" I screamed into the microphone and then with tears in my eyes, like any consumate performer, I squeeked out "Each day is valentine day" to complete the song. If you saw it, you might cringe.

And as for my pathetic little attempt to woo what I considered to be my poarticalr version of a hottie with a drunken high school note, I came to realize this. I really, Really, REALLY suck at asking people out. So I am officially soliciting technique suggestions. Fill my fucking comment box with them. The situation is this. Girl, Hot, Low cut Shirt, Lots of cleavage, And a three part namethat was really hot as well, that I can not remember. Possibly lesbian, possibly a boyfirend, but definitely someone I wanted. OK. drop those facts into your dating computron and git me some answers, directions, and suggestions that end with me going home with the girlie or at least with some digits.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-10-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

The Sun, The Bus Stop, Dating 101

Sunday Karaoke at the Bus Stop always makes e happy and drunk. Set list: suspicious minds, Lulu's To Sir with Love, I Fall to Pieces, My Funny Valentine. Not usually one without the other. But tonight there was an absolutely fabluous lady who made me very distracted all night. Thank you ireland. Thank you lady. If only i knew how to hit on someone properly, then I might have your number right now. But since I do not, You have mine and I think maybe you and your boyfriend might be having a good laugh right now. I never had very good judgement that way.

Mor importantly, I woke up to a very sad dream this morning. I dreamed that my mother was dieing again of cancer and that it was 4 days to my birthday. she hid an infection from the doctors and when they took her in for an exam, they knew she would die soon. My brothers attempted to shield me from the operating table, but I snuck in. They were all questioning why she hid the infection. And she looked at me in the eye and said "I promise I will make it to your birthday." as she fought to hang on for the next minuteds of her life. And I assured her that it was ok. She should go. Do not hold on.

Then I awoke to alex's phone call. I explained to him about my oxtremely disturbing dream. He commizerated, and then I hung up and I cried in the shower for the next half an hour. I figured I needed to. You need a hefty cry every once in a while. It is only right. My college professor said that peopl who do not cry get tear duct infections. that is nature way of forcing you to show emotion.

Then I had a conversation with my mom. But that is private.

It was a rough day. And I can only think it was accentuated by my grandmas altzhaimers and dimentia. She will die soon as well. And again I feel helpless to save another important woman in my life.

We are impermanent. I thought the lessons of Tales of Genji were trite during my freshman year, but I am daily smacked in the face with them .

I want a connection that, in the end, I will only have to release.

I fucking hate paradoxes. Fucking cliche!

Heart,
Drunk Jeffrey

2005-10-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

Storm and the Balls and Jeffrey-Hagrid

Friday I went to a Fey Ray show a the High Dive.It turned out they wewre openiong for a burlusque cover band salled Storm and the Balls. A Playboy Bunny-esque bombshell feminist who liked to tease the audience took ove the stage as the night proceeded. I met her in the green room before the show. she said "Hi I'm Storm" and I reoplpied with similar pleasantries. then she began to warm up her voice and the most beautiful operatic belowing came forth. She had some serious lungs! I quickly added "You have a lovely voice" to which she replied "It gets better." Then she took over the stage and simply demanded the attention of everyone in the room. Yes is was all covers, but the arrasnged the star-spangled banner to the music of Superfly. She snage a latin version of a Green Day song. And continued to pop out some lovely latin arrangements of several great oldies. And the piano player was of the caliber of the band Pink Martini. Impressive indeed. I recommend you see the once. If not for at least half a set.

Saturday I went to my firend Patrick's birthday paryty and learned of more Scorpios. Pat, Amy and Russell. Holy shit. My group of friend is filled with them. It was a costume party and I spent the day coming up with a Hagrid outfit. In the end it looked amazing. There was a Meg White there, Bullet Tooth Tony, One of the Oasis Brothers, Andy Warhol, Tom Cruise and Pregnant Little sister( I mean wife), someone dressed up as the leg lamp from Christmas Story, There was a Ziggy Stardust. A Couple dressed as Taint(Hairy Balls and all), the woman who turned in Monica Lewinky and Bill Clinton, the gay blond guy from Scooby Doo, and a Ski Bunny. They were all fanstastic costumes.

2005-10-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

Oh and how could I forget Mr. Pete.

And I just learned about Brian.

2005-10-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

The Scorpios Ruin the Scene...

I used to joke about the scene and the way any band could become famous. You become an alcoholic. And 6 months later, I now know it is true. I never dove off the deep end, but i have been drunk many nights in a row. And the seemingly endless line of drunk willing to line up and say they know you and want you at their party is forboding. People start coming out to your bands shows. Your kidney get sore and you start hinking that 3 hours of sleep befor work is too much. don't get me wrong. I am not sure I am totally done with all of that fun. I still enjoy going out, but I need a break so I can breath again. Plus I need to prepare for my 30th birthday. Ya here that, Mr. and Mrs. goldenstar? Your little boy is all grown up and he's all growed up now! So what are we going to do to celebrate the pitfalls of being scorpios? I mean, we really are a strange bunch. Oh an dI just started a band with my friend Karla called girls on strike. It is two accordians and two voices and it will rock your world. Espeically if you are a depressed pirate. So put that prozac away and don't even bother popping that zolaft, matey.

"Everyone is so lonely I dig it, But I'm afraid I can't share this." - Lou Barlow

Happy pre-birthday
Laurence
Alison
Anne
John
Alex
and all of the other awsome Scorpios out there. We rock!

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-10-06T17:05:00.000-07:00

Tori Spelling Pegging Goerge W. Bush

Well isn't it great that Bush is totally back on track after the disasters and horrible corruption charges. Hell even the Iraq War won't slow down this broken record Juggernaut. Have you no shame, George? You are an affront to the existence of humanity. I once asked my friend Josh if this is what politically minded people felt like in the Reagan era. He said "Yes. But the amount of hubrous presented by the Bush administration goes above and beyond the trickle-down eighties" But luckily, it is not only horrible policies that are back. Cocaine is making an enourmous comeback in our lovely community. Yay for Coke! Really Extacy and pot have gotten fsar too much attention, and manufacturing of Crystal Meth is way up, but let's not forget our good friend coke, who has been waiting in the wings for a new era of exzcess and disconnection. So go ahead all of you rich fucking scenesters. And you too poor ones who just hang out with the trust fund kids! There is room in that festering Cha Cha bathroom for at least 6 more. Oh but I am too judgemental. Fine, just give me back the herione physiqued pot smoking 90's. Yeah productivity was down, but I prefer having a conversation with a pot head to a person on coke, is that so wrong?

So for those of you who didn't believe my Tori Spelling Blog, the proof is in the pudding. and this case the pudding is The Stranger Drunk of the Week column. I knew they couldn't resist jump[ing all over this story. But next time Kelly O pleasedon't fucking step on my feet yelling"I'm form drunk of the week" and think that means shit to me. We all wanted a piece of that fucked up paparrazzi action, but I could have done without the obnoxious attitude.
See pics here: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=23426

No we did not actually catch Tori fucking Mr. Bush in the hoo-hoo, but we did see George walking a little funny later that night. I think the connection is obvious.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-10-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

Amy Sedaris and Your Genitals

http://thebsquad.com/movies/9%5EPuberty-Pals.swf

Thanks Seth.

2005-10-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce myself.
Call me Ishmael.
I am a whore to event/spectacle reporting. And I have little to no respect for spellchecker or grammatical accuracy. This is unfortunate because I was a literate major. So thoughout my blogs you wil find multiple spelling errors that can sometimes change the meaning of my sentences. One of my friends favorite examples "Oh, she it good, I love her Greatest Hits." can quickly become" Oh, she i sgod, I love her grea thits". True story. Great hilarity and laughing ensues. Some friends find it cute and some friends find it intolerably annoying. If you are one of them, fuck you. Nobody is perfect. If you want to spell check my blog and repost it on your own blog correctly spelled, then do it, psycho! With this said, It is nice to meet you and I hope that we can have a totally disconnected computer/voyeur relationship.

Heart,
Jeffrey

2005-10-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

The perfect finish to a hurricane of a weekend. My friend Byron and I were trying to deal with maintain a stable position in the eye of the storm. In a place where we could see the possible problems and crazy situations we had gotten ourselves into this weekend, and apply thoughtful perspective. But as we headed south toward the Pike Pine Corridor, we could tell that we were fast approaching the east wall. And in some cases we were calling all of the right people in order to bring the rough weather closer. Honestly, I left my house thinking I would lay low last night. Just singing some Karaoke with a friend. But after pounding a bottle of Chiante over some amazing italian food, we really had no control. We headed off to the Bus Stop on the Hill and were actually just barely awake after the tasty food. But I kicked out the Patsy Cline like a good boy. And then I performed Kenny Rogers lady. Half way through this song I realized I did not know it. So I did what any pro Karaoke person would do. I channel Al Green and made up my own soulful melody and howled like a cat in heat. I was proud of the result. I think Kenny Rogers should pay me to record it.

At this point the real silliness began. Tori Spelling shows up with my friend Grant, who just happens to have cast here in a Gothic Post Apocolyptic Horror Gay Anti Bush movie. (He needs about 200,000 to finish it so kick down to him people) I though she would lay low like any visiting celeb and then slowly slink out under the radar. All I could think is that Laurence and Adam and I used to fashon drinking games around this girl and her performance on Beverly Hills 90210. To add to the fun she brought along a Nicole Ricci-esque side kick. Well Tori did not dissapoint. She filled her professionally sculpted belly with alcohol and rolled up her shirt in a Daisy-duke-like outfit. And then she began to dance. Uh then she started dancing very suggestively. She seemed to be having a lot of fun and did not seem to be inhibited by her star status. And then there was the grinding on the gay boys, and the splits. And then she fell over walking around me and trying to do the splits for a second time. Her friend sat in lap and asked me to help them choose another song. I of course added my two cents and suggested Aerosmith's classic "love in the elevator" I figured that this would bring the evening to an apocolyptic climax. If you have a chance to upgrade a spectacle to historic proportions, then take a chance. But they rejected my suggestion and went with Eternal flame. Which they were too drunk to finish. So Ade and I grabbed the mics and ended the circus in a tidy little duet. Poparotzi and all.

The bar closed and we went to my place and drank vodka tonics, ate breakfast burritos, played with Stella, the cutest chubbiest Pit Bull puppy you will ever see. And we spent a descent amount of time wishing it was a star we respected who came to the bustop. Someone who could act. Someone who was attractive. Someone who didn't break that asshole's Steve's heart in season one.

I am at work now on 2 hours sleep. Kill me.

Heart
Jeffrey

2005-09-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

Hey boys and girls. My friend Laurence just started one of these. I have been blogign for a while on Myspace. But I seriously hate them. And I notice some really psycho people were really getting into reading my stilz. So I moved. So this is it. Who am I? whay the fuck do you want to know? I am just another straight white male age 18 - 35, who has to endure living in one of the richest countries in the world. My luck, shit is really starting to hit the fan. My privilege is pretty much used up and now I am just another poor fucker in the world.