Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Planet Earth Hits Puberty.
I realized that the world is not coming to an end this New Year's. And though I am sort dissapointed in a I wanted to see it happen sort of way, I am ok. I will stave off my selfcentered infatuations and look at this New Year as another step in earth's glroious life time. Unfortunately I can only imagine that we have entered puberty as a planet. Self-destructive, sexually-frustrated, confused , pimply, isolated, pissed-off-at-your-parents puberty. So the next few millenia might be a bit rough. Have some patience with our dear planet, she is just working through rough times. And I am sure with the proper diet and medication she can get rid of this breakout called the human race and move on with a healthy happy life. I know I would. With this in mind, wanna make out?

Heart,
Jeffrey

Monday, December 19, 2005

Santa sits on my lap, "Your Techno is in my Shopping", Cat Fight at Karaoke.

Friday, my friend Rcih invited me to attend the Stranger Yule log bash. What was good? Well, 2 fre shots of tequila is good. 2 free miller high life's is good. Some tasty Marcapone Cheese from Paragon Grill was good. I ran into my friend from the Blakes, who are by the way and amazing band. We stumbled over to the picture section and started fondeling santa. The evidence: http://www.thestranger.com/events/index.php?eventid=24&i=11.
To be PC we also got our picture taken witha Moyle. We stumboled form there to Bush Garden where a rather drunk group of ladies and freidn kicked out some sultry karaoke. i did my part with Lulu. If you haven't been there, Bush Gardens is one of the funnest places to do karaoke in Seattle.

We closed down Bush Gardens, a friend removed a 3 minute parking sign from its rightful place and we were chased away from the front of the business by the bartender. We cabbed to QFC where I picked up the ingredeients to Nachos to the ear-bleedingly loud techno of the mexica restaurant upstairs. We danced throught he isles. as I collected to savory delight that would end our nights. The we went to my place where we gather stangth to about 6 or 7 people and gorged ourselves.

Sunday I hosted karaoke at the Bus Stop for the first time. It was harder than I thoguht and drunk people are annoying. Especially when you are not getting drunk with them and you have to get shit done. Eventually at the end of the night Shaw, the very queeny man, told a story about a girl leaving here tissue on the seat after using it. The girl took offense and got up in his face on the stage, eventually presenting her ass and pushing it at him. I should have stoppped it, but it was the most immature thing I had seen in a while and it made me laugh. So I let it go. They eventually tired each other out. And I eventually became less retarded on the Karaoke selector. And now I am at work 60 dollars richer. meaning I can buy my nephew a better gift.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Hey all. I just realized the connection between Thrasher, an eighties skater movie starring this guys and that girl and the red hot chili peppers, and the dukes of hazard. I just heard the line"I just hope the mountain doesn't get them. " And in the dukes of hazard song there is that one line "Some day the mountain might get, but the law never will" I realized it now people. Our problem isn't terrorists or communism or Walmart. It is the mountian they have slowly killing us all along. Wooing us with their splendor and beauty. Snow-capped peaks and beautiful streams. While all along they were biding there time lulling us with a false sense of security. Iron Maiden wrote a song called "Run to the Hills". But I think I will write a new song called" Stay the fuck away from the hills. They won't protect us. They are tyring to fucking kill us. To the midwest and the flatlands!!!!!!

Heart
jeffrey

Friday, November 25, 2005

You're on Your Own Daniel San, Girls on Strike, Dept of Energy

OK. Confession time. One of the three stories in my last blog was a lie. Or just a bored me trying to fill out the blog. Try to guess which one. I think you will be pleasantly suprised.

RIP, Pat Morita
LOS ANGELES — Actor Pat Morita, whose portrayal of the wise and dry-witted Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" earned him an Oscar nomination, has died. He was 73.Morita died Thursday at his home in Las Vegas of natural causes, said his wife of 12 years, Evelyn. She said in a statement that her husband, who first rose to fame with a role on "Happy Days," had "dedicated his entire life to acting and comedy."In 1984, he appeared in the role that would define his career and spawn countless affectionate imitations. As Kesuke Miyagi, the mentor to Ralph Macchio's "Daniel-san," he taught karate while trying to catch flies with chopsticks and offering such advice as "wax on, wax off" to guide Daniel through chores to improve his skills.Morita said in a 1986 interview with The Associated Press he was billed as Noriyuki "Pat" Morita in the film because producer Jerry Weintraub wanted him to sound more ethnic. He said he used the billing because it was "the only name my parents gave me."He lost the 1984 best supporting actor award to Haing S. Ngor, who appeared in "The Killing Fields."For years, Morita played small and sometimes demeaning roles in such films as "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and TV series such as "The Odd Couple" and "Green Acres." His first breakthrough came with "Happy Days," and he followed with his own brief series, "Mr. T and Tina.""The Karate Kid," led to three sequels, the last of which, 1994's "The Next Karate Kid," paired him with a young Hilary Swank.Morita was prolific outside of the "Karate Kid" series as well, appearing in "Honeymoon in Vegas," "Spy Hard," "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" and "The Center of the World." He also provided the voice for a character in the Disney movie "Mulan" in 1998. Born in northern California on June 28, 1932, the son of migrant fruit pickers, Morita spent most of his early years in the hospital with spinal tuberculosis. He later recovered only to be sent to a Japanese-American internment camp in Arizona during World War II."One day I was an invalid," he recalled in a 1989 AP interview. "The next day I was public enemy No. 1 being escorted to an internment camp by an FBI agent wearing a piece."After the war, Morita's family tried to repair their finances by operating a Sacramento restaurant. It was there that Morita first tried his comedy on patrons.Because prospects for a Japanese-American standup comic seemed poor, Morita found steady work in computers at Aerojet General. But at age 30 he entered show business full time."Only in America could you get away with the kind of comedy I did," he commented. "If I tried it in Japan before the war, it would have been considered blasphemy, and I would have ended in leg irons. "Morita was to be buried at Palm Green Valley Mortuary and Cemetery.He is survived by his wife and three daughters from a previous marriage.

for some the Karate Kid movies were some sort of marker during there life. But they didn't even put out a good correspnding video game. And Pat Morita was really the only redeeming factor of that whole Cobra Kai laden mess. plus he was placed in an internment camp. Thus proving that no matter how much america fucks your life up, you can still be an actor.

Girls on Strike
I just started a new band with my friend Karla we are called Girls on Strike. It is a lovely opportunity for me to sing with a lovely voice and we both get to play accordina. So life is good. instrument will range from accordian to bells to Rhodes to accoustic guiar. And whatever else I can help weve into it. Karal is a talented woman who bosts a charming songwriting style and a great ear for harmony. We should be ready soon to play out. Once we finish some more songs. I imagine love, pathos and insomnia will work there way into themes of this project as well. you can soon here what we sound like at http://www.myspace.com/girlsonstrike

Dept of Energy
Rob Benson of Dear John Letters has started a new amazing band called Department of Energy. Based aroudn bensons stellar vocals and a full size hammand church organ, this band wil fucking amaze you. They are super tight and the sound of a hammond through an old fasshioned leslie speaker is not to be missed. http://www.dept-of-energy.com .

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

"Hey look, I'm 30! kill me.", killer bibliotecque, I hate Christian right, but why are they so damn hot?

Well. I promised myself that turning 30 would bring a new decade of calm cool collected hapiness. Instead it has brought me poverty, the crabs and a major feeling that I am going to be envloped in a 50 foot wall of boiling mud. And I was ok with that in college. We all joked about striking a punk rock pose only to be petrified for all eternity. But now I have other death ambitions. To die quitly in my sleep under the soft feathery rain of a vixen pillow fight. Is that so wrong? No. So if you would like to apply to participate in my warm fuzzy death please submit an application with a picture of yourself in a teddy. The even will be televised and webcast. PS Laurence I already know what you look like in a Teddy, so just submit the application.

I fell asleep at work today while gazing offinto the window of the downtown Seattle library. And had a vivid dream of it being the ugliest transformer ever to grace the earth. But when it transformed it became a Nascar dad and floded the city with cans of Miller Genuine draft. I really need to stop eating spicy food before I sleep.

While singing Karaoke at the bus stop one night my eyes glanced up the most Bellevue raised uptight Christian Republican I have seen in a whiel. And I tried to apply my blatent generalizations and stereotypes to her, but none would come. She filled out her Kahkis and starched white t-shirt nicely. I pointed her out to my friend Byron and he said. "Oh yeh. She is hot. She is working that whole Barbara Bush thing." And he went on to explain how attractive women who look this uptight can be. And well. I was in diagreement until now. This girl changed my mind. God Bless America.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

My internet Fiance - Act II,
The Crooners,
How French am I?


Sent Jeffrey 1 week ago after a short email conversation:

Hi my friend Jeff.
I am very pleased, that you have written to me back.
I would like to correspond with you.
And now it - it is a little concerning me,
My name -Tatyana, I live in a small settlement, which address to as Kukmor.
To me 27 years.
My settlement is in 850 km from cities of Moscow.
I 168 sm of growth and my weight of 52 kg.
I have finished school and then studied at university. I studied philosophy
of the various countries and English language for this reason I and I can speak
English.
I work in hospital as the children's doctor. I very much like the job. Because I
like children.
That is possible to inform concerning mine hobby, I very much like cinema!
I think, that I can remain in cinema all day, (I joke certainly).
Well it is simple to me, the interesting cinema is pleasant to look.
I prefer to listen to music on mood. I can listen in the evening to classical music,
and morning I can include radio and jump, while I prepare to breakfast.
I have no any harmful habits, I do not smoke.
It is possible, that I can drink easy alcoholic spirits drinks, but it happens
only during holidays and in the company of my girlfriends.
I was never married, and I have no any children.
I do not know, why but I could not find the pleasant man for dialogue of an
opposite floor, I was possible, has not met the man necessary for me.
For this reason I also have decided to address in this agency.
I hope, that with the help of the correspondence I find second half.
If you have any questions, which ask me, I with pleasure shall answer it!
I shall wait your letter.
Tatyana.
P.S. If you have any photos, send them please.











Tatyana,

Well I feel that now I know more than enough for a long, fruitful relationship. And I see you withdrew the money from my account. In fact, I was meaning to talk with you about that. I know couples have to work through issues with money and all, so I need to ask some questions in the most non-accusatory fashiion possible. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY? I understand prices are high on tickets right now, but does it really cost 4000 dollars to fly hear? That was my entire savings. Sorry to sound a little angry, but I have rent to pay, lady. Is this anyway to treat the one you will split your life with? I think not. Well I can forgive if you would send ame a plane ticket to Russia I will come on over and we can work this out in person. Until then please ask me for money and I will gladly give it to you.

Secondly, How the fuck are you a children's doctor if you studied pohilosophy in college. What kind of fucked up test do you have to ake to get from philosophy to be a certified doctor? I am just wondering. I am glad to hear you were never married and do not havre children. I have never been married or lived in Russia and I ahave never been a doctor. I have also never been rich, good looking or interested in beanie babies. I do not like brussel sprouts, my heart is tiny and black and I do not have any piercing that you can see. so let's get together. I await a plain ticket in the mail.

You lover to be,
Jeffrey

Sunday at the Bus Stop was some of the most amazing Karaoke I have ever seen. Fucking A! There were the wonderful older gentlemen crooners who made me loose my voice screaming. New York, New York and anothe Sinatra tune. I sang my favorite Karaoke song ever. Lulu's To Sir With Love. It made me happy. I hung out with Grant Cogswell and some really nice and cute friends of his. Gigi bought me a belated birthday drink. I saw Kitty again and hit on her a lot less this time. There were at least 4 women who sang and blew me away with there voices including a stellar version of Slim shady. And a mighty fine morrissey. Ian and Ade provided two completely choreographed songs. It was a most magical ending to my birthday weekend.

Monday after practing with my new accordian band project I was wondering around Capitol Hill with an accoridan on my back, a baggette and a small chunk of bousian. what the fuck, It don't get more french than that. It was also like 33 degrees and I froze my herricot verde off. So I drove home and made my self an italian meal as quick as possible. I was then warm and then I slept. But I could not help think about the race riots and soci economic upheavel in France. I heard that there have been 1200 cars burnt so far. WTF? Paris-Watts.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Monday, November 07, 2005

30, dancing, and more scorpios...

First and foremost, i turned 30 and the party was so fun. i was introduced to yeager Bombs by coworkers, I had a very successful burrito buffet thanks to the efforts of my friends, and soon there will be pictoral evidence of what happened. Every momment was enjoyable. I danced for hours this weekend and I can't fucking stop. Thanks to all of the delicious people who made it out. I love you all to death. One can only measure their life at 30 by the set of friends that one is surrounded by. Friday I looked around and I was overwhelmed by the quality of company I keep. And I knew there were more who could not make it. Enough of the sap, The dancing at the bus stop was a blast, and Saturday i got to do some more at the last egg room party. And besides the overdrinking and hangovers, I had a great time.

Heart,
Jeffrey